Just saw this resource page called “Thought Stopping,” that pretty comprehensively tackles handling and fixing negative thought patterns. I don’t have much issues in this area as my old thought-stopping technique still works pretty great for me.
The site answers the following crucial questions:

• What is thought stopping?
• How does thought stopping work?
• What are some thought stopping techniques?
• Irrational thinking which blocks you from letting thought stopping work for you
• Directions for thought stopping

I really like the step by step directions they give for accomplishing the task, as well as their list of irrational reasons for allowing the process to fail. The reasons they give include:

• It’s OK if I just think about it and do nothing about it.
• What’s the harm of thinking about it?
• People will never know if I just think about it for a little while.
• I’ve denied myself so much, why can’t I just think about it once in a while?
• You can’t condemn me for thinking.
• I never thought about it before I acted so why should I avoid thinking about it now?

I am pretty judgmental.  I tend to look people over and make conclusions in my head.

It’s a useful trait.  When I’m interviewing people for job positions, I’m very good at picking the right people.  I take a quick look at the person and listen to absolutely nothing that comes out of their mouth.  I watch instead for their nuisances.  I look at how they’re dressed, how they carry themselves, how they sit, how they phrase their words, how they react to off-the-wall questions, how they laugh, and other things less tangible than what their words contain.  I’ve gotten into lots of arguments over hiring in my old jobs.  I simply didn’t like a lot of people others seemed to like.  And when their choices prevailed, I’m usually proven right.  I’ve stopped having arguments about hiring the last couple of years.  I still judged harshly and said my piece, but I’ve let people get their way.  The arguing’s not worth it since I don’t have the last say.

While judging works correctly in that kind of scenario, it doesn’t in some others.  When you get in the habit of judging this way, you tend to evolve into a closed person.  When you get used to making immediate judgment, you label people once and pigeonhole them that way.  You end up either idealizing someone or looking down at them.  And it stays the same way.

The bigger problem it presents is you end up judging yourself in the same manner.  You end up either idealizing your own worth or looking at down at yourself.  Often, when you engage in this mindset, it’s the latter.  And it hurts you in many different ways.

I’ve been working on holding this habit at bay.  Partly, because it makes me ostracize people who have flaws that I quickly jump on and harshly pick at.  Mainly, I want to keep it in check because I want to stop judging myself.
Like I said, people who judge others harshly tend to judge themselves even worse.

I haven’t been a complete success at it but I’m slowly getting better.

There are a few things I’ve been trying to do, none of them a full-proof solution….yet.

1. Suspend judgment.  Instead of judging someone and making up your mind about them, mentally tell yourself that you’ll give it a day before you decide.  The next day, say you’ll give it another day.  If it’s not working, suspend by the hour.

2. Think about something else.  Right now, my favorite alternate thought has been to imagine myself finding a million dollars, in a black Echolac shoulder bag right in front of me.  I’m sure this will make no sense to many people but I’ve previosuly written about this technique to remove negative thoughts and it works a bit hit or miss when it comes to suspending judgments.  Everytime I begin to think negatively of someone, I just imagine finding the money in the bag right in front of me wherever I am and my attention is usually shifted into the absurdity of the idea and the general imporabibility of it.  It’s pretty much using misdirection to quit a thought.

3.  Look for what’s good.  I’ve done this several months ago and while it’s healthier than looking for what’s bad, it just perpetuates the habit.  What I’ve noticed when judging positively is it uses the same processes as judging in a negative manner.  You just focus it differently.  It’s like a different side to the same coin.  What I feel like I want now is to remove the habit.  My mind is not made up about it, but I think there are better ways than this.

4.  Ignore.  I basically try to ignore any observations that play around in my head.  This is damn hard.  My original intention is just to allow whatever people brought to the table and make the best of it.  I think this is the right way but I’ve struggling with it thus far.

I’ll continue to test the stuff above and see how things unfold.  I really just want to be able to appreciate people but, like everything, it takes a fair amount of time to go from one habitual behavior to another.  Hopefully next time I write about it, I can talk about something I am certain of.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep working on it.

Wish me luck!

Technorati Tags: judgment, behavior, bad habits

Keeping your attention on positive thoughts is a consuming task. It takes a lot of discipline and retraining of your own thought processes to constantly keep your head on a productive space.

As much as we would like them not to, our thoughts will wander, things will upset us, and doubt will kick in at various times throughout our waking hours. It’s normal and should be allowed as a large part of our self-development process.

In itself, that’s not a bad thing. Having contrast and variety in your thoughts prompt you to re-evaluate your present choices. Having a wandering mind sometimes lead us to better ideas. Things that upset us can signal an issue we might not have considered. Doubt can cause us to improve existing processes.

However, when we react emotionally to negative suggestions in our mind, we end up with a problem. Too often, this leads to obsessive thinking about the unwanted thought. Have you ever had that experience? Something pops into your mind that you know is wrong, unhealthy, and, sometimes even destructive. You know you should get rid of it but you can’t. You spend the next hour or two fixated on it and it ends up fucking your day.

It seems the more you resist, the more you attract.

I’ve tried a number of things to fix this and, over time, I’ve found specific processes that work for me.

1. Reverse the thought - Instead of entertaining the idea in a negative light, put it in a positive space. For instance, if you worry about not having enough money obsessively, think of how you have too much money than what you need. I used to call it illogical reframing and I’ve seen many of my successfuly friends use it. Maybe, I lean towards thinking too much or overanalyzing things but this just leads me nowhere. In my experience, thinking about the same thing simply perpetuates the same thing, no matter what light you put it under. If I worry about money and I try to replace it with thinking about having too much money, all my succeeding thoughts still stem from the original negative idea and it keeps popping up incessantly.

2. Logically reframe it - I’m a huge fan of Mind-Lines ( I really need to write about this and I’ve been meaning to) and the reframing processes they outline. You basically use sound logic (they oulined, if I remember correctly, around 21 different techniques) to challenge an idea. There are about 7 or 8 that I use frequently and they just break negative thoughts down wonderfully to the point where you can judge them as plain silly and nonsensical.

3. Recite affirmations - I did this a lot many years ago. I had a memorized set of affirmations that I go back to again and again. Having worked for me over and over, they are somehow anchored into my consciousness and reciting them puts me in a good state. The issue is, while they work in some cases, state-change is hit or miss. And there are just certain situations you find your own headspace in where the state change trigger doesn’t work.

4. Replace the thought - This is currently my favorite. Instead of trying to reverse a negative thought, performing reframes to disprove it or mentally reciting an affirmation, just replace the negative idea with something different.

In order for this to work consistently, make the thought comply to a few basic guidelines:
a. It’s highly relevant to you at that moment
b. It makes you happy
c. It excites you
d. It’s tangible - meaning it’s something that happened or is happening to you, not a postive affirmation bordering on delusional thinking

When I replace a negative thought with one that follows the above guidelines, my attention shifts. Because the new thought is as compelling to me as the original thought, I obsess just as much over it. Since it has nothing to do with the original negative trigger, the negative idea is pushed completely away. And since the new thought both excite and make me happy, a full state change is usually effected.

If you’re stuck with what kind of thoughts to use to replace negative ideas, it’s a sure sign that you’ve been letting you own negative thoughts bog you down. You will need to dig at least a little deeper to find the things that will make the positive experience happen for you. I suggest you go through recent experiences to find one of these:

a. Recent financial successes
b. Positive relationship developments
c. Affection between you and your kids
d. Recent career advancements
e. Recent awards
f. Problems you’ve fixed

You’re bound to find something that will be as positive an influence on you as the original thought was negative. When you do, bask in it, enjoy it and let it occupy you for a while.