They say there’s a thin line between weird and cool. While this may be true for creative work and off the wall ideas, it doesn’t hold for social settings. You’re either socially cool or you’re socially awkward. We all have our reasons for wanting to improve social skills and regardless of what they are, gaining better competency in this area serves many aspects of our lives.

If you feel awkward in social settings or have been informed of how you come across, what could be things about you that are weirding these people out?

1. Your clothes

Do you ever feel out of place because of what you’re wearing (if you do, then chances are your clothes are making people feel awkward)? Do you wear the same types of outfit everywhere you go? Who can you think of that wears the same clothes you do? How does that person come across to you?

2. Grooming

Do you keep your basic grooming in check? Hairs trimmed? Nails cleaned? Do you smell? How’s you breath? Do you need a mint?

3. Nervous habits

Do you laugh at your own jokes? Do you stutter? Do you get angry or do weird things when you’re anxious? Do you keep looking for affirmation from others (like saying “Am I right?” all the time)?

4. Lying

Do you make up stories just to have stuff to talk about? Do you make little claims that you know aren’t true? Do you pretend to have a cool life, a hot girlfriend and millions in the bank?

5. Refusing to talk about your life

Do you change the subject when conversations get a bit personal? Do you keep quiet about your personal life? Are you ashamed of what goes on in your life? Can’t you talk about yourself in an honest way?

6. Sick jokes

While green and sick jokes can be funny, most times they’re just awkward. Ever cracked one of these babies and all you seemed to get are complimentary laughs? Do all your jokes involve fart, excrements, bodily fluids and innuendo?

7. Energy level

Are you listless? Do you trudge through your day? Are you bored? Do you act that same way even around people trying to enjoy themselves?

8. Being in your head

Are you too much in your head? Are you too sensitive to what other people say? Do you take everything personally? Are you stuck from thinking through things too much?

The above is a checklist for fixable things that may be the reason if you’re coming across in a negative way. While some are easier to fix than others, they’re all things you can work through once you identify them in yourself.
I’ve written on some of them in the blog and others have as well. I’ll elaborate on each one during the next two weeks, discussing stuff that works for me and stuff that I currently use for the issues I’m still working on myself.

Found this via the Lifehack blog.

Bhuvana collected the most common interview questions and listed recommended answers for each. I honestly haven’t heard some of them asked in my own interviews so I’m not sure how common they all are. Be sure to read the comments because there are some really good additions from several HR people and other experienced interviewers there.

I’ve experienced both sides of the fence, being interviewed and interviewing for job positions on my team and, to be honest, I never give the answers much weight since they’re all practically the same anyway. It’s like when you’re trying to get a girl to have sex with you while alone up in her room. You say what you need to say to get the job done. If anything, interviews are setup to allow you to disqualify yourself since you’re not getting one unless your experience and recommendations are relevant enough. But if you botch the answers, you’re cut. When interviewing, I instead look for other things that end up more telling about the person:

• Are they arrogant? Right off the bat, this is a strike in my book. It’s hard to function in a team with someone who will claim to know stuff they don’t, and act like they’re better than everybody else.
• Do they laugh during light moments? Laughter is the easiest rapport builder. People rarely laugh because something’s funny. People laugh to ease tension and build rapport. If they laugh nervously or do not laugh at all, I don’t like them.
• I like bringing up problems they’ve encountered in past jobs. Who do they blame? Do they blame the software platforms? Do they blame the hardware? Do they blame management? Anyone who cannot point to themselves as having a hand in any issue is automatically rejected.

Personally, I wouldn’t use some of the recommended answers. My advice is to take all the questions and come up with your own answers to them. Having personalized, stock answers as opposed to trying to come up with responses on your feet will really help make those interviews much easier for you.

Technorati Tags: Job Interviews, Preparation

During moments of great stress, it’s hard to pull back and get a proper sense of what’s going on. It’s a sensible reaction too. When you are physically assaulted, for instance, there is no time to consider the situation so it’s sensible to follow your instincts and play by your gut. Whether you fight or run will depend on the logistics and the details of the situation so you let instinct take over and take the plunge.

The reality is, unless you’re unconsciously inviting these events into your life, moments like this will rarely happen. Most of the time, we are put under great stress by things that we can actually detach from for a brief moment and handle more deliberately.

I’ve seen this a lot in the workplace during big deadlines. People obsess over small, messy details and completely miss the big picture. Ever had one of those problems that kept you on your workdesk until 11PM and that you eventually left unresolved only to take one look at it in the morning and you immediately know the solution?

We all can see the huge difference between the first example (having your life physically threatened) and the second one (not meeting a deadline.) One compels you to act or possibly die. The other is simply act or not-meet-a-deadline. One leaves you one obvious intelligent choice. The other leaves you plenty.

So why react the same way?

I believe people often react the same way because they are conditioned to feel a similar amount of stress. For some reason, many people have categorized work deadlines on the same level as life-or-death, causing them to feel the same level of duress during the situation. This is not confined to work either. Some people react similarly during first dates, job interviews, and public speaking, depending on how they have been conditioned over the years.

It’s unfortunate because the bad feelings you get during the experience are highly unnecessary. The stress created by the situation is brought about not by actual extrenous circumstances but only by your own thought processes.

Fortunately, we are conscious beings. While our knee-jerk reactions are often slaves to conditioned instinct, we don’t have to stay the same way. During times of great duress when you suddenly feel yourself slipping into a “flight-or-fight” situation, it’s very useful to train yourself to do the following:

1. Stop what you’re doing

2. Breathe deeply and gain composure

3. Quickly asses the situation (Life-and-Death or not)

4. If yes, act quickly

5. If no, do something fun for 10 minutes, and return to the task afterwards. I usually play a mindless game like EWR or call some friends.

6. If you’re in the middle of a task you can’t leave, like during a negotiation or on stage during a presentation, pause. Don’t pay any attention to what can happen as a result of you pausing (it will usually be minor.) Don’t pay attention to what’s going on. Don’t listen to anything being said. Just pause. If you can, think of something funny like Mickie and Minnie Mouse getting it on. If you can’t, just think of the short pause as a short relaxing break. Keep breathing deeply during the pause. When you feel calmed down, dive right back into what you were doing.