In continuing the quest to help my readers exhibit even more bizaare and weird behavior, here’s 9 things you can look out for when trying to irritate those around you by being your funny self:

1. Laugh before the punchline. Laugh before you tell it. Laugh in the middle. Keep laughing without having said anything funny so that when you say something that’s supposed to be funny, it’s not.

2. Tell a funny insult about one of the people listening to you. Then follow it up with another.

3. Tell explicit, tired sex jokes then make hints about being a stud in bed. Then tell another explicit, tired sex joke. Do it over and over until everybody can tell you’re a sexually frustrated liar.

4. Make fun of the people who don’t tell jokes. Call them boring.

5. Make sexual innuendo your staple comedy routine. Then make hints about being a stud in bed. Do it over and over until everybody can tell you’re a sexually frustrated liar.

6. Make fun of the disabled.

7. Be the loud, obnoxious joker in the room. Then get pissed off when someone takes a jab at you.

8. Make sick jokes your staple comedy routine. Keep an arsenal of fart, bukkake, shit, gore and piss jokes and tell them all the time, especially when people are eating.

9. When people say nicely that your joke is disgusting, make a mental note that it means “They loved it and they want more!”

I made an old post about Grooming and Basic Dressing previously. Think of this like an extension of that.

I’m not even gonna try to talk about ladies’ fashion as every single girl is probably better than me at this thing. For guys though, I can help you with what I do myself.

If you’re fashion-challenged, don’t take a wild plunge and try to become Mr. International Male overnight. Take little steps and build up to a cool wardrobe. What are the baby steps?

1. If you’re trying to not look weird, don’t invent your own fashion trend. I have a friend who wears torn shirt-sleeves, 501 jeans and Reebok Pumps. He says he’s doing the 80’s trash metal look. Why oh why?

2. Ask your female and gay friends for quick advice. Like, what one item can I change now that will make a difference? Go to the mall and try that on, see how it works.

3. Find a complete outfit you like from either the web, a magazine, or the display store at the mall. Forget specific styles, like trying to look preppy or punk or whatever. Stick to what’s cool and in trend.

4. Shop for that entire outfit in one day instead of buying pants today and shirts next week.

5. Have one or two of these complete outfits in your wardrobe. They’ll be your foundation.

6. Get to a level where you’re comfortable wearing your new trendy clothes. If you’re gonna shop for new shirts, pattern it around the same shirt for the complete outfit so you can match.

7. Once you get the hang of dressing and shopping for that style, only then should you experiment.

8. As a rule, I splurge more on shoes and pants and buy only cheap shirts. Shoes and pants are clothes you tend to repeat wearing more so I find it okay to spend more on them. Shirts are more dispensable.

9. Go back to your female and gay friends for the same advice. What one item can I change now that will make a difference? Go to the mall and try that on, see how it works with your new stylish clothes.

10. Buy new complete outfits every few months to spice up your closet.

Technorati Tags: clothes, weird

They say there’s a thin line between weird and cool. While this may be true for creative work and off the wall ideas, it doesn’t hold for social settings. You’re either socially cool or you’re socially awkward. We all have our reasons for wanting to improve social skills and regardless of what they are, gaining better competency in this area serves many aspects of our lives.

If you feel awkward in social settings or have been informed of how you come across, what could be things about you that are weirding these people out?

1. Your clothes

Do you ever feel out of place because of what you’re wearing (if you do, then chances are your clothes are making people feel awkward)? Do you wear the same types of outfit everywhere you go? Who can you think of that wears the same clothes you do? How does that person come across to you?

2. Grooming

Do you keep your basic grooming in check? Hairs trimmed? Nails cleaned? Do you smell? How’s you breath? Do you need a mint?

3. Nervous habits

Do you laugh at your own jokes? Do you stutter? Do you get angry or do weird things when you’re anxious? Do you keep looking for affirmation from others (like saying “Am I right?” all the time)?

4. Lying

Do you make up stories just to have stuff to talk about? Do you make little claims that you know aren’t true? Do you pretend to have a cool life, a hot girlfriend and millions in the bank?

5. Refusing to talk about your life

Do you change the subject when conversations get a bit personal? Do you keep quiet about your personal life? Are you ashamed of what goes on in your life? Can’t you talk about yourself in an honest way?

6. Sick jokes

While green and sick jokes can be funny, most times they’re just awkward. Ever cracked one of these babies and all you seemed to get are complimentary laughs? Do all your jokes involve fart, excrements, bodily fluids and innuendo?

7. Energy level

Are you listless? Do you trudge through your day? Are you bored? Do you act that same way even around people trying to enjoy themselves?

8. Being in your head

Are you too much in your head? Are you too sensitive to what other people say? Do you take everything personally? Are you stuck from thinking through things too much?

The above is a checklist for fixable things that may be the reason if you’re coming across in a negative way. While some are easier to fix than others, they’re all things you can work through once you identify them in yourself.
I’ve written on some of them in the blog and others have as well. I’ll elaborate on each one during the next two weeks, discussing stuff that works for me and stuff that I currently use for the issues I’m still working on myself.