What To Do When You Fail to Meet Your Goals

Sometimes things just don’t work out.

It’s hard to wrap one’s head around it. You defined your goals clearly. You planned your steps. You executed well. You pushed through trials. You finished every activity you scheduled. But the results don’t measure up.

You come up with possible reasons for the failure:

• Did I set the wrong goals?
• Was my plan too weak?
• Did I give it my all?
• Was I too inflexible?
• Did I miss opportunities?

It’s hard to look at the fruit of your labour when it’s only a fraction of what you always thought you were working for. Even harder when it’s a total bust.

When it’s a total bust, people will tend to go with cliches: “I don’t fail, I only learn one more thing that doesn’t work.” It hurts just the same.

It’s a reframe that’s hard to swallow, especially for longer-term outcomes that eat up 3 to 6 months (or more) of your life.

When I fail, my first instinct is to shrug. It’s like I’m on TV and people just watched me fuck up so I shrug my shoulders and peep, “What’s a guy to do?” Of course, nobody’s watching. People don’t really seem to give a shit when you fail. It’s not that society doesn’t care for losers, it’s actually easier for people to accept you when you’re mediocre. It’s just that you’re ordinary. You’re just like everybody else - all potential, no commercial.

My next instinct is to have fun. I’ll go hang with friends, get drunk, stay up till morning and do goofy things. Next day, I’ll either feel great or have a crazy headache. It doesn’t mean anything, just thought I’d mention it.

I suggest the same for everyone. When your chips are down, have fun. You don’t have to drink and be stupid to do it. Just celebrate the same way you’d celebrate if you didn’t mess up. In a nutshell, I recommend staying happy whatever your outcome, life is too short.

AFTER THE HAZE

After coming to terms with the failure, it’s time to regroup.

I usually draw a journal of what happened and separate relevant items into two: (1) Things that worked and (2) Things that didn’t work. Allot some time, including a couple of days, to let everything you write sink in.

Then I set a new goal and build the plan structure from the things that did work. While I do keep the things that didn’t work in mind, I found it wrong to draw up a schedule with the intention of avoiding the wrong things. You tend to plan differently when you’re starting from what works compared to when you’re starting from what doesn’t.

Building plans from a perspective of what doesn’t work will just cloud your optimism and increase the likelihood that you’ll give up without making an effort.

Make sure the goal and the plan accomplishes these minimum requirements:

(1) They are built from a foundation of what works

(2) They are aligned with your values

(3) They excite you

Working from those three items give you a better chance of accomplishing your results. Starting from what works usually lead you to further things that work even better; setting things that align with your values will make sure you avoid internal emotional conflict that can make your execution harder; and being excited, joyful and happy working towards something is the most ideal state you can be in towards manifesting the results you aim for.

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