How to be a Happy Bunny

I first read the Silva Mind Control book when I was 16. I thought it was weird at the time. The stories of people using the skill were fascinating though and I found it entertaining.

I took away two things from that book that continue to serve me to this day. One was learning how to relax and using anchoring to get into that dreamy state very fast. I still put my thumb, fore, and middle fingers together everytime to quickly get into a meditative state.

The second one was something I barely skimmed through but I have continually went back to mentally when evaluating situations in my life. It was a small section in one of the chapters about how to be happy. I think it was called “The Rules of Happiness.” I don’t have the book anymore so maybe it was called differently. I remember it that way.

The rules of happiness were:

1. If you like something, enjoy it
2. If you don’t like something, avoid it
3. If you don’t like something and cannot avoid it, change it
4. If you don’t like something, cannot avoid it and cannot change it, change your perspective

I vaguely remember a fifth rule but the above is what I have used for nearly half my life from the time I first encountered it.

It stuck with me because of it’s simplicity. It made complete sense in both the conceptual situations as well as specific, detailed ones. Being a programmer since I was 14, logical and straightforward rules always made more sense to me than all-encompassing, emotionally-appealing statements.

Rule # 1 is basic common-sense but how many times have we liked something and not done it because of social pressure? Fear of what our parents will say? Fear of being ridiculed by strangers?

Rule # 2 is the same way. Unhappy people always seem to be involved in activities they don’t appear to want to be in. How many people do you know work at jobs they hate? Report to superiors that they resent? Stay in relationships they can’t stand?

Rule # 3 was new for me at the time. I always believed things are the way they are and we either accept them or reject them. Changing things wasn’t something I was accustomed to. Over the years, I’ve found there are plenty of things you can change to your liking. I didn’t like being single when I was a teen, but I can’t avoid the desire for physical and emotional intimacy, so I changed my situation and got involved with someone. If your husband is a snorer, you can’t avoid sleeping with him but you can get him medical advice. If you don’t like being fat, you can’t avoid being fat right now, but you can change your eating habits, increase your physical activity, and dress better so you feel better and get on the path to change.

Rule # 4 was beyond my comprehension when I first read it and I think I gave it a full hour of thought before I rejected it completely. How can you change how you feel about something when you don’t control your feelings? How can you change the way you see a thing when you’re seeing it that exact way?

It took me plenty of life experience to understand the fourth rule. Happy people always seem to be capable of seeing things from a different viewpoint and experiencing things from a completely different perspective.

People dying of terminal diseases are forced by default into this fourth case. Those who find happiness while every doctor tells them they are inching ever closer to their end are always the ones who have successfully applied it. They found something to appreciate and be thankful for in a situation most people could not even bear to imagine themselves experiencing.

Some authors I’ve read call it allowing. Allow the unavoidable, unchangeable situation and let it run its course. I find it different from acceptance. Acceptance always struck me as an act of coming to terms with something and nothing more. In the above case, accepting the disease is coming to terms with it and admitting that it is true. Allowing has always struck me as a more powerful act. It’s an act of letting something in with the intent of letting it run its course, whatever that path may be. It’s the act of allowing the disease and giving it permission to go anywhere it wants to. No specific end is accepted as fact. No specific course is accepted as true. Let it run its course and enjoy the ride.

I read a book early this year called Yes Man by Danny Wallace. It’s a nonfiction book about a slice of the author’s life when, for one year, he resolved to say “Yes” to everything. It’s a great illustration of the fourth rule. He basically refused to avoid or change anything he didn’t like and instead jumped headfirst into them, allowing the situations to change him instead.

It’s a good exercise for people who deem themselves too reserved or too boring. Instead of avoiding and changing situations to fit your bliss, spend a day allowing everything and trying to get into the rhythm of any situation. It’s a good way to learn to get into the flow of situations and ride them out, regardless of how difficult they may be.

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