Alarm Clock Logistics for Chronic Sleepers

If you’re one of those people whose body clocks are now finely-tuned to wake up early in the morning either by default or by developed habit, congratulations, I’m impressed. Congratulate yourselves! And skip this post because you really don’t need it.

If you’re like me who struggle to get up early most mornings and depend on alarm clocks, I’m sure you can find this of some value.

How to Choose an Alarm Clock

• Must have an offensive ring
• Forget the alarm clocks with mp3 songs or those with sweet melodic hymns. If you’re buying it to wake you up, buy one with the ugliest, most offensive eardrum irritation you can find. One that sounds like a horrific-version of the old landline ring will be great.
• Must be loud
• Always check if there is a volume knob, then crank it up and test the alarm clock. I was amazed at how many alarm clocks did not have volume adjust and were preset at an average volume. That’s not good enough. It has to be really, really loud to really, really work.
• Must vibrate
• I’ve seen very few alarm clocks that vibrate. But if you can find one that is also loud, that will be a great choice.
• Multiple alarms
• This might be strictly confined to those digital-type ones but it’s really, really useful. I used to set my alarms at 7:00, 7:10, 7:15 up to 7:30. It’s very handy when you accidentally fall back into slumber without snoozing. Like I usually do.

Using a Cellphone as an Alarm Clock

This is not a bad idea but depends highly on the cellphone. Same criteria as above applies to your phone.

I used to alarm with only my cellphone back when I had an Ericsson. Ericsson phones are great alarm clocks, by the way. They have some of the most offensive ringtones I have ever heard bundled in their phones, including the retro-phone ring. They are very loud too. My old phone wasn’t a very hip model so there was only one alarm allowed.

I recently upgraded to a Samsung and it sucks as an alarm clock. The sound is too soft and the ringtones - even those made especially for alarms - are just too musical. It’s how I’ve always imagined alarm clocks would sound like in Sleeping Beauty, very Disney-like.

Alarm Clock Positioning for Maximum Wake-Up Effect

Here are some guidelines for alarm clock placement to maximize the possibility that it will actually do its job and get you awake.

• Two feet away from the bed
• This way, you’ll you have to get up to get it, making it harder to snooze
• Near enough to hear maximum loudage (too far and it may diminish the noise)
• On a wooden surface
• This is specifically for those alarm clocks with vibration features. It adds an extra level of irritating noise, like someone wildly tapping on your table
• If the vibration is strong enough, like with my old Ericsson phone, you will actually imagine someone was banging on your door
• Inside a cooking pot
• Use a relatively thin aluminum cooking pot and place the vibrating alarm clock inside (preferably a big one). This is seriously mad and sounds like the neighbors are destroying their kitchen.
• Next to another alarm clock
• I did this before more for my amusement than anything. Put multiple alarm clocks side by side, set them at the same time, and watch them explode!
• Right next to your spouse, mom, roommate, or whoever you live with
• Plant it right next to them so they can hear. They are guaranteed to get up, walk to your bed, and wake you up angrily. This is how I woke up for school back when I still lived at home! After a while, my mom got tired of it, hid my alarm clock and just started waking me up early everyday.

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