Shame is Toxic Like Nuclear Waste

Ever feel ashamed of any particular activity you do?

When I was around 16, I felt very ashamed of my habit of walking all over the city for hours on end. When I’d see someone from school while I’m walking, I’d always walk the other way or cross the street. When somebody I know calls out to me, I try to ignore them. Sometimes, they’ll catch up and ask me what I’m doing and I’d tell them I just came from a friend’s house. I’ll be sweaty and tired from walking but I’ll claim I just hung out with a friend all the same. When they say, “No really, where did you come from,” I’ll promptly change the subject.

It’s a fear of being ridiculed for my eccentric habit. It’s shame.

I got good at three things during my adolescent years: (1) Feeling ashamed of many things about me, (2) lying to cover up my shame, and (3) changing the subject of conversations with sharp and poignant sexual innuendo. For some reason, sexual innuendo always makes everything ok. Like when you meet really irritating noisy gay guys who, sensing your discomfort, announces some ridiculous sex jokes that just cracks you up and everything is suddenly fine.

Shame is a toxic emotion. My personal suffering from it reveals that the more you allow yourself to be ashamed and make up excuses to avoid ridicule, the more it asserts itself into your life.

Anytime you feel it, make an effort not to honor the shame. We all have standing quirks, weird behavior and stupid habits we can feel embarassed about. Honor those instead and let people judge you for them.

That’s the equation actually. Shame = don’t honor; Embarassing activity = honor.

It’s partly about being true to yourself because it’s who you really are. More importantly, it’s about making who you are more important than what people will think of you.

Shame is a virus and the less you honor the virus, the less it will spread into areas of your life. Learn to be fine with being judged, however harshly. A life unexamined is, well… a shame….that is toxic like nuclear waste.

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