I have a habit of shutting up. I like being quiet. Problem is, when I meet someone new, like a potential date or a potential client, I want to get the conversation flowing so we can build rapport and find shared interests.
I’ve read a lot of conversation books over the years but the best single conversation hack I found for getting to that “flow moment” was an old sales technique I learned from a values-alignment course during my first job many years ago.
It goes like this:
1. While the other person is talking, listen and take note of keywords (any specific word or words they mention that catch your attention)
2. Build you responses based on and using those keywords
3. During high points (like when the other person cracks a joke or says something that makes them look really cool, escalate the interaction closer towards where you want it to - assuming you’re going somewhere like making a sale or asking for a favor)
This morning, I resolved to handle my conversations this way so I can post a log here on the site. Here’s a few of them:
Convo # 1
Me: Hey, is AJ absent today?
Girl: Yes.
Me: Yes? Is she sick?
Girl: No she’s going to the doctor for her baby’s check-up.
Me: I hate going to the doctor for check-up. I wish all doctors were hot chicks.
Girl: My son’s doctor is very pretty!
Me: My doctor is pretty too. Pretty ugly. LOL! Can I take your son to his doctor this weekend?
Convo # 2
Client: Sorry to start your morning bad, but we have a problem.
Me: My morning already started good so this won’t be so bad. What is it?
Convo # 3
Guard: You lost weight.
Me: We’ll you’re my idol. I’m losing weight so I can look like you! Do you lift weights?
Guard: No but I bike everyday to work.
Me: Haaa! How long do you bike from house to work?
Guard: Less than 1 hour.
Me: 1 hour going to work and 1 hour going home. That’s real exercise!
Guard: Well…it’s pretty easy when you get used to it…
Me: That’s really cool! Hey can you do me a favor? I need to get this form…
Convo # 4
Cab driver: Should we take Jupiter or go around the hospital?
Me: Go around, less traffic there. Do you take Jupiter most of the time?
Cab driver: No but sometimes, the passengers prefer there.
Me: What kind of passenger will prefer a route with more traffic? You should smack them in the heads!
Cab driver: I often imagine doing that, but they might report me. Hehe.
Me: LOL! If you get me to work in 10 minutes, I will report you for being so fast!
Why It Works
There are several reasons why I love this particular tech:
1. You can stop stalling when you don’t know what to say next. Seriously, if you can’t come up with anything using the keywords, just repeat the keywords. Like if someone says, “I had a lot of trouble finishing that,” just parrot it back, “Trouble finishing huh?”
2. Because you’re using key words and phrases from what they previously said, your responses will always make some sense, even though it’s actually just empty responses.
3. You only escalate when **they** bring the conversation into high points. Because they are basically the star in the conversation at that time, they are more receptive to accepting the escalation.
So there. Use at your own abuse!
