I have a habit of shutting up. I like being quiet. Problem is, when I meet someone new, like a potential date or a potential client, I want to get the conversation flowing so we can build rapport and find shared interests.

I’ve read a lot of conversation books over the years but the best single conversation hack I found for getting to that “flow moment” was an old sales technique I learned from a values-alignment course during my first job many years ago.

It goes like this:
1. While the other person is talking, listen and take note of keywords (any specific word or words they mention that catch your attention)
2. Build you responses based on and using those keywords
3. During high points (like when the other person cracks a joke or says something that makes them look really cool, escalate the interaction closer towards where you want it to - assuming you’re going somewhere like making a sale or asking for a favor)

This morning, I resolved to handle my conversations this way so I can post a log here on the site. Here’s a few of them:

Convo # 1
Me: Hey, is AJ absent today?
Girl: Yes.
Me: Yes? Is she sick?
Girl: No she’s going to the doctor for her baby’s check-up.
Me: I hate going to the doctor for check-up. I wish all doctors were hot chicks.
Girl: My son’s doctor is very pretty!
Me: My doctor is pretty too. Pretty ugly. LOL! Can I take your son to his doctor this weekend?

Convo # 2
Client: Sorry to start your morning bad, but we have a problem.
Me: My morning already started good so this won’t be so bad. What is it?

Convo # 3
Guard: You lost weight.
Me: We’ll you’re my idol. I’m losing weight so I can look like you! Do you lift weights?
Guard: No but I bike everyday to work.
Me: Haaa! How long do you bike from house to work?
Guard: Less than 1 hour.
Me: 1 hour going to work and 1 hour going home. That’s real exercise!
Guard: Well…it’s pretty easy when you get used to it…
Me: That’s really cool! Hey can you do me a favor? I need to get this form…

Convo # 4
Cab driver: Should we take Jupiter or go around the hospital?
Me: Go around, less traffic there. Do you take Jupiter most of the time?
Cab driver: No but sometimes, the passengers prefer there.
Me: What kind of passenger will prefer a route with more traffic? You should smack them in the heads!
Cab driver: I often imagine doing that, but they might report me. Hehe.
Me: LOL! If you get me to work in 10 minutes, I will report you for being so fast!

Why It Works

There are several reasons why I love this particular tech:

1. You can stop stalling when you don’t know what to say next. Seriously, if you can’t come up with anything using the keywords, just repeat the keywords. Like if someone says, “I had a lot of trouble finishing that,” just parrot it back, “Trouble finishing huh?”

2. Because you’re using key words and phrases from what they previously said, your responses will always make some sense, even though it’s actually just empty responses.

3. You only escalate when **they** bring the conversation into high points. Because they are basically the star in the conversation at that time, they are more receptive to accepting the escalation.

So there. Use at your own abuse!

Find one that appeals to you and try it for 7 days. At the end of day 7, ask yourself the following questions:

Did it bring me closer to my target weight / health goals?

Always check if you moved closer to your target goals. If it moved you away, it will probably never work. If it moved you closer, then 1 point! If nothing happened, it would be fair to try it for another short stretch.

Was I able to integrate it well with my budget and schedule or did it mess up those things?

If it ate too much money (costs) or time (preparation), I don’t think it’s worth it. Although “too much” will always be a subjective call so consider wisely.

Is it something I can see myself doing one year down the line?

To me, there is no point starting a diet and then going back to your old habits after a couple of months. It’s a waste of time and effort. So see if your diet is somehing you will actually want to keep doing, otherwise, scrap it. Is it something I can keep doing in non-normal conditions i usually find myself in (ie. when traveling, visiting family, during workout days, etc.) See if it’s something you can keep doing in different conditions. If you can answer yes, then the chances that you will stick with your diet in the long run increases favorably. Otherwise, all it takes is a couple of highly-stressing stretches of days and you will likely be back to your old habits.

How were my energy levels? How did it affect my work, sleep, and social tasks (or any other important area of your life)?

To me, this is another one of the more important things. If it messes up other areas of my life, the lost weight will not be worth it. This is because, in the long run, it’s not something I will stick to and any results I’ve built up will likely get thrown away.

=======

I am currently on the Warrior Diet and I’ve so far lost over 8 pounds in 4 weeks. I spend a little more on fruit juices than my normal meals but it isn’t that much more, so financially, it’s not bad. Time-wise, I actually get to spend my normal lunch and snack periods doing other work, so it’s time gained, more than anything else. The boost to my alertness and focus are astounding to me and, if for no other reason, i’m sticking to the diet because of this. I no longer get sleepy in the afternoons even when I cheat a little (unless some other stupid project caused it - my sleep every other day thing, hehe) and for some reason, I sleep quite easily at night (my guess is it’s the large meals.) It’s also very easy to integrate during non-normal days (with a little cheating,) like when I couldn’t get hold of any fruit or vegetables (I substituted Extra Joss, two crackers, water and coffee). It’s a diet that works for me with some side benefits that I found very valuable.

I intended this to be guide for others trying to get on an eating program. I guess there are thousands of them now, and finding one that suits you and your goals is, for me, the most important thing.

I eat the cellphone because it eats my time at 1:15 in the morning. This was a quick draw, using regular ballpen (I left my gel pens at work.) Just drew my cellphone while waiting for a text message that never came. Then drew the mouth because I wanted to eat it for making me wait so long for nothing.